Or So I Thought...

How does the saying go...

Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, some a lifetime.

However long it was, be thankful for the gifts,

Or so I thought,

You'd be my shield, my sword, my garment.

My friend, my brother, my beloved,

You'd be there in time of my need, in yearnings , in joy and sorrow.

As I was for you,

Or so I thought.

How your words sweet at the time, those smiles sly, full of mischief,

Left to crumbles of lies and deceit, bonds broken, betrayal treasonous.

I saw you again tonight, like two ships in a night passed, I had nothing in my heart for you...

Or so I thought.

Upon my birthday

How soon hath time passed that I miss,
The follies of my once youthful bliss. 

All I have from this point forth to own
The prospects of self created renown

For youth is fleeting but wisdom doth reign
May all my days henceforth blessed remain. 

So Many Things Left Unsaid

As you left me,
I watched you walk
In the gallant way that you always do
steadfast, resolute, firm,

And I was left thinking, yearning for you behind...
So many things left unsaid.

The laughter, the cries, the joys we shared, the sorrows we tried to,
But to no avail.

There are times when my heart weeps for you,
And there are others when the wrathful torments that fill me want to burst out and vent their fury upon you,
But I cannot.

I love you still as I did then
And I always shall...

So many things left unsaid.

The first time we met,
The brilliance of the blue that you wore,
The sparkling of the golden strands of your hair,
In the autumn sun, sublime, so subtle,
pierced my heart by the hazel starbursts in your eyes,
I remember those moments still,
Though they seem now a lifetime ago...

So many things left unsaid.

I started to write a letter to you,
to reclaim my passion for you,
to refrain from my hatred for you,
to remain in my love for you,

Yet, so many things left unsaid.....

Pride

The sea of colors, sights and sounds
Joyful glorious profound
In the meaning of this day I astound
Happy faces abound
Floats and buntings all around
Such is the day of pride I found.

I stood upon a corner side
Watching the worldly splendor go by
On mechanical Steads and ship they ride
In awe in fervor I stride

Though the memory is fresh of the horror
I must resolve to always remember
Those before me and those to come after
And be blessed in this moment forever and ever

For I shall rise a king.

For I shall rise a king, by the nobility of my character,  it's strength and might.
Not by any birthright.

I shall rise a ruler, just and gracious,
Not a wanton sire of lands vast and spacious,
As far as the spread of the light.

I shall accord justice in my dealings
With Prince and pauper alike,
For haughtiness is not in my feelings,
I'll strive to do what is just and right.

I shall hold high, the righteous honor,
of those that strive in their toil and sow,
the seeds of goodness and verity,
and keep the fruits of their labor
with rectitude and pride, and humility.

I write this not as a boastful decree,
but a humble plea, a prayerful verse
to urge my reader to carefully see
that character of goodness makes me
a servant of men, not a master of serfs.

She

The gestures of hands, sultry poses, moving resolutely.

What aura of strength was she, that left me standing humbly.

I watched from the sidelines, incredulously,

Consumed, confounded, amazed,
I kept my gaze upon her face.

Awestruck, seduced, what beauty I witnessed,
She danced all night, with gusto and ire

My advances of romance she dismissed,
With a sly smile, setting my soul on fire.

I stood there, heart in hand, eyes tearful.
Venus personified, wrathful yet beautiful.

All I wanted was a chance to state my plea
And give my heart and soul unto her in glee.

Just as I was in her august presence,
She struck me down with here glare on my insolence.

And said unto these woeful ears, my eyes streaming
"Boy, get to steppin' you must be dreaming"

I turned back with a heavy heart and head in gloom
All the while thinking this is my end, my doom.

Just as I was turning back
She took my hand and stopped me in my track

She said " woo me by showing me your moves
Cuz I ain't down with no goody two shoes"

To which I held her hand and stepped up to dance,
And danced into her heart with my clumsy romance.

The comfort in pretending

I hide in the shadows, playing with illusions, masks and disguises, of my own creation, my Self.

Masquerading,  the comfort in pretending is my succor.  

For i dare not face the reality, 
as it glares me down like the tiger burning bright,
lurking to pounce...
rip me limb from limb,
as I walk through this forest of the night.  

Unrequited Love

I know the sharp sting of unrequited love,    
to never have the affections returned,
and see my love's face shining above,
I smoldered within, my heart and soul burned.

Yet I Still Love You

Isn't it strange, for all my affection,            
after your rejection
I suffered dejection
Yet I still love you.

The silence in which I returned back
The burden of pain I did not lack
No matter how, time against me will stack
My suffering in this life's track
Yet I still love you.

I loved waking up next to you,
Now every waking moment is torment because of you,
Time will heal this pain that is true,
Yet I still love you.

If only fate could dispel,
This mourning of lost love, pure hell,
Remembrances of you fondly, I revel
My grief I cannot conceal,
Yet I still love you.

The Aftermath

Rubble and dust, memories and their remnants strewn, like the aftermath of a storm, as it passed with such ravages to scar my body and soul.

We met in the strangest of circumstances, brought together by happenstance in the pursuit of a greater bliss.

Though who you were at the time, I could not have known.
Though who you are now, I wish I didn't.

For the short time that you so graced me with your illusory affections,
I only poured out sincerest devotion,
But alas to no avail.

You will sing your swan song for many and more.
All I want now is to hear you from afar.

Love's Toll

You give with all your heart and soul,
Expecting nothing in return at all,
To simply be at bliss, with your lover's kiss
Such is the true love's toll.

The Emptiness Within

I am content, when I am with you.
But when away from the presence and thought of you,
The emptiness within howls at me like the winds of a wretched wilderness.

The echos that they carry, of memories past, deafen the voices out of the chaos that I carry with me at all times.

I try to reach out to you to explain what I really want from you.

But you are either unaware or ambivalent to my silent cry.

I love you but I need more.

Don't mess with the Korean seamstress

Today I found myself in the urgent need to have an alteration made to an old courdroy jacket.

Now before you ask, why am I even wearing a courdroy jacket, 1965 called it wants my fashion sense back.
It so happens that it is actually quite a good coat that just needs to be taken in.

Hey, don't hate a fella for trying out some far out sartorial choices.

So after shopping around for the right tailor, I came across this dry cleaner which is run by quite a dragon lady.

As soon as I walked in, I could sense her disdain for me for some unknown reason.

There she was, Miss Kwan, curly salt and pepper hair, golden reading glasses with long shinny chains dangling from her sides as though the regalia of a dowager empress. And she certainly was one, on her turf, in her realm, ruling over those who worked there and those who came into her store as courtiers to her audience.

I said hello as I approached the counter, placing my coat in front of her and waiting for her to acknowledge me.

She rose up from her perched stool, with the haughtiness befitting only in her mind, and deigned to address me as I began to tell her about my coat and how I wanted her to alter it.

Mind you, I had taken this said coat to another place but didn't like the way they would have worked on it.

So when I showed her the coat with all it's previous pins still intact, she guessed where I had been and immediately proceeded to straighten me out.

As I was in the process of telling her what to do, she told me in no uncertain terms, " I have done this before many times". I told her to take it easy and laughed at her bemusement and unflattering stand of me.

This did not go well with the Queen.

She proceeded to rattle at me the charge that I had promised to bring this a while ago.

I was simply surprised that she actually remembered.

After the customary haggling that my daddy taught me, we had come to a mutual agreement.

Suffice to say, i look forward to debut in my brown courdroy jacket.

Hopefully there aren't any daggers hidden in the sleeves.

A thousand faces, a thousand places

A thousand faces, a thousand places, a thousand times I see them

None come close to evoke what I feel for you.

How you stumble upon words, and then say what you have to.
How you murmur to yourself things before saying them out loud.

How you shy away and become self conscious when I make fun of you teasingly.

I came to you, full of sorrow and a heavy heart, 
Your touch was the cure to all my ails.

And I am now happy, until I part from you, for I long for you again.

And I shall love you from afar...

And I shall love you from afar.

Through the fogs of memories and distance.

Through pains of wrath, through bursts of joy.

Through times of anguish, through spells of grace,

Through moon lit nights, Through star less darkness

True, you shine brightest and burn me with your gaze and passionate embrace.

I cannot return back to how the ways were between us, the lovers, once as one, now rent asunder,

A thousand times a thousand nights I cried myself to sleep for you.

But perhaps just perhaps, you may remember and return.

I love waking up next to you

The warmth of your skin, 

your body next to mine, our souls intertwined,

still slightly inebriated on last night's red wine,

I love waking up next to you.

I count the goosebumps on your arms, 

with all your mischief and charms,

I forget all my inhibitions and disarm, 

as I lay by your side, watching you sleep, 

your hands holding mine, 

I love waking up next to you.

The winter nights are long and cold,

I lose my breath as I behold,

the beauty and grace which you possess, 

I must confess, 

makes me fall for you ever more. 

I love waking up next to you.

The tale of my beating heart

I heard someone say,
As I was walking aimlessly today,
Does your heart beat for the one you love
or does it simply do it's bidding in your body's glove?

For I said to the stranger,
There isn't any danger,

For my heart beats only for one,
Though he doesn't feel it that way,
And even if I were ever alone, with my last breath,
I'll love him forever and a day, even in my death.

Written in a drunken rage

I have given my all, my heart, my love, my affections,
And gotten nothing in return.

Perhaps the cold hearted bastards are really better off, when they wreck havoc on their prey and care not for the the fall out.

But no, I am destined to have a heart and a soul and thus bound by the rules of them both.

So many times, so many nights have passed when I have yearned and cried for the consolation that I so seek in futility.

So many times have I loved and lost out to the whims and selfishness of so many. I guess it is time to wreck havoc of my own.

The heart is a strange thing

The heart is a strange thing indeed.
Isn't it so, you break it, it rips, it tears. 

If it loves, it fills with joy, it melts in desire, it aches in longing.

It closes with hate, it hardens as it changes.

the heart beats only so many times before it melts, it breaks, it hardens, it changes, it loves, and eventually it stops.