Lonely is the night

Lonely is the night and what I feel can fill the void of space.

I keep searching for the elusive, the unfound, the intangible, but I keep coming back to you.

How you felt when you were next to my arms, embraced held tight within, the warmth of your skin, your breath heavy in the chant of my name.

But now just as the night is long and dark in this winter state, I am lonesome once again.

Though you are far tonight, you are always near me in my mind, in my heart , in my soul.

Just as the day breaks and brightens everything,

you are just the golden ray of hope that shines my darkened life.

For there are many miles for you to go, finding your own distant shore on your life's journey, I just want to be by your side, even if to carry your waters.

We the Living

We the living, You and I,

 the broken, the unwanted,

Dying to live only for a minute, day to day

from our mundane existences into the magical, the magnificent, the magnanimous. 

If only I can feel how I do with you, all my days will be bliss, and I will be complete within.

The emptiness I feel, when I leave your side; I cry myself to sleep, only to dream of you.

Is there no end to my humiliation, is there no escape from this pain?

 

Nary a gift, nor a tribute is worthy from me in your homage.

But I shall try till my last breath. 

The sky is resplendent

the sky is resplendent with delights of lights, energy and sound.

people go about their day to day upon the treaded ground.

worrying, scurrying, rumbling along the way.

working on  causes of subsistence, persistence, resistance.

they strive, survive, revive their stay as they act out their life's play. 

The meaning of it all.

what joy is there in joy, if not to have felt the sting of grief.

what noise is there to be withstood, if not to have savored the silence in its stead.

what peace and contentment does one get, if not to have felt fear and dread.

what sustenance is there in a morsel, if not to have panged with hunger.

what fun is there in a laugh, if not to have cried sorrowful tears.

what point is there to life, if not punctuated by death

On the turn of Autumn

the air is crisp. The leaves turn amber auburn and gold.

the season changes  from summer's warmth to winter's cold

squirrels frolick about, storing stock in their hold

as I watch in amazement, as time unfolds.

the birds sing a merry note, a song that nature itself wrote.

tellings tales of a thousand years, 10000 thousand times it has been told.

the breeze is alive with a fragrant wood, and carries its burning scent

as festive times are about to come
bringing joy and bliss wholesome. 

and in this merriment I rejoice and rebound from my sad descent.

Tonight

I am ever so lonely tonight.
This anguish persists solemnly tonight

If there is anything that can remedy this pain,
Let me then drink, that elixir tonight.

What cause have I given you to hurt me so.
Hate the game, not it's player tonight.

The devil within lingers about in his perfidy,
May my better angels prevail tonight.

Dark and starless it may be so,
Let my love's light brighten tonight.

Though hope seems dim for now Zak
May the fire within you awaken tonight. 

Your Eyes Shine Verdantly Bright

Your eyes shine verdantly bright,
and pierce my heart.

When I am in your beautiful presence,
it is ever so difficult to part.

You sing of beauty, with love and grace,
with childish joy, I yearn for your embrace.

I wait to see you today and tomorrow,
to hold you close and quell my sorrow.

I say this with care and mindful notion,
to win your favor and pledge my devotion.

Quiet and Chaos

In my moments of quiet and chaos,
I keep thinking of you.

How I like the sound of your voice,
your smile, your laughter.

How your jokes are raunchy and obscene,
how you light up when you are happy.

How you are passionate and full of lie.
how you appear to the world,
how you carry yourself.

How you have come out of fighting your battles,
How your loss guides you forward not defines you.

I like you from the moment I saw you.
How I fell for you when I saw you dance.

How I have fallen in love with you while searching for the one,
and here you are.

I love you for who you are,
for who you want to be,
for what you want to do.

Honor me with your favor,
your hand, your love.

And I will give you my promise,
my shoulder, my hand and heart.

Looking for Life's answers in song and dance

Looking for life's answers in song and dance.
Moments fleeting, passing by, without a concern for time.

I sit and stare at my black mirror
elated, haunted, angered at times.
Yet I return to the refuge of the familiar.

Like an old friend, it welcomes me to it's embrace.
It consoles me, it scolds me, it holds my attention as it know me.

I hold in my breast such sorrow, only it knows how to make me breathe it out.
I am surrounded by it's siren song, it's poetry, it's taunts,
as the cosmic ballet plays on.

The Pains of Love

The pains of love, of loss and fear
of losing you forever, for you to disappear.

This grave weight, this cross I bear,
I cry out for you, though you cannot hear
to me when I call your name,
like a silent prayer taken in vain.

I know my nature I cannot reveal,
my wounded soul, would never heal,
without your tender affection and kiss,
a simple glance to grant me bliss.

To win your favor, I would move earth and heaven,
this restless heart, has no rhyme or reason.

Except for one thing, this I know,
with my heart in hand I would go,

to the reaches far and wide,
with you always by my side.

My word, my bond, know this to be true.
With everything in me, I completely love you.

Take my last nickel

Take my last nickel but give me a penny's worth of love.

All that I have, all that I am is for not.
All that I want, is to belong, to you.

Without you, I cannot bear this for long.
Love can sustain me on the coldest night,
the hottest day.

My thirst is quenched,
only by the waters that you bare as I swallow you whole.

Time is passing by too fast,
but not fast enough for me to forget and forfeit your grasp on me.

But I can't.

The Dancer

He dances with passion,gusto and lust.
On surfaces hard and edges rough.

but plays on my heartstrings with coyness and such finesse,
That I am besides myself and helpless to his touch.

What form, what poise, what beauty, what grace,
I yearn achingly for his loving embrace.

I breathe his presence every moment,
In hopes of gaining his favor as a present.

I write these words in my room alone,
His thought nourishes me, and I am at home.

His smile ablaze with his flame of passion.
I lose my rhyme, I forget my reason.

My heart breaks on hearing his past despairs,
I'll win his heart, his trust, his love,

and soothe his pains and wipe his tears.
This I pray to the Lord above.

And then my problems were trivial

And then my problems were trivial.

 For I had nothing to gripe about,

for I had safe passage through my ways, 

for I was full in my belly and hungered not, 

for I thirst not for drink and was quelled of it, 

for my labor gave me sustenance, and I earned my keep,

for my lover gave me joy and contentment, 

for my friends gave me comfort and lent me their ears and shoulders, 

for my shelter gave me succour,

for my family gave me bliss, for my being gave me meaning, for my spirit made me think,

for I was not starved of anything. 

For I was not for in want of anyone.

The Cabaret of the Politically Grotesque

The Cabaret of the Politically Grotesque

It is a year and two months to the 2016 US presidential election, but the circus of the political freaks and gimps is already in full swing in Washington DC.  With the resignation of Speaker John Boehner in the face of an impending leadership vote, sanity lost to the fanatical grandstanding that is the Right Wing Fascism.

As the deep seeded acrimony continues to standstill the peoples work in Congress, with strong opposition to Prochoice laws and cessation of funding for organizations such as Planned Parenthood being tied to the running of governmental operations. The right wing extremists within the GOP are frankly acting treasonous by undermining infrastructure project funding, obstructing plans for universal healthcare and repeated assaults on the Affordable Care Act, the Obamacare.   

In the last eight years of President Obama’s administration, a presidency so full of the promise of Hope and Change, but the Realpolitik of Washington produced legislation, as the Bard called “Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”.  A mixed bag of the following; a mediocre ACA, attempts at passing legislation to curtail Climate change effects, pull out of American forces from a deeply unstable Iraq and Afghanistan that led to disastrous results in the form of ISIS, a resurgent Taliban, appeasement of Russia that lead to annexation of Ukrainian territories, and furthering by default the Russian/Soviet hegemonic agenda.

The aforementioned programs were Conservative in their origins, advocated and presented by previous Republican lawmakers. But the stalwart opposition to this president’s agenda and the absolute unwillingness to compromise on anything for the sake of the American people is an unprecedented state of events. 

As we are exactly 10 years away from the quarter century mark in the 21^st century, these political posturing do nothing but weaken the country, when education, healthcare, capital infrastructure, development and investment programs are curtailed, terminated or underfunded. With the changing demographics of the United States, the GOP must understand that the old paradigm of Caucasian dominance culturally, politically and numerically is drastically shifting to immigrants from Latin America and Asia.

Now is the time for both the Democrats and GOP to come to terms with major differences on policy regarding major issues otherwise the US will lose its status as the sole Super Power of the world.

This writer remembers in his youth the dichotomy of the Free World versus the Soviet Dominance. I dare not imagine a Resurgent Russia, an insurmountable China, or an upcoming India to change the World Order. 

Act of Kindness

The old man, hobbled, hair worn, pants torn, eyeing the wares in the window with the relish of a child. but no dime in pocket.

He stood up, the young one, hair slick, pants that fit, perhaps a bit too tightly.
And extended a simple act of kindness as the world walked by.

Shit Happens!

On my way to work, I stopped by a grave yard today.  The silent whispers of the woods, the chirps of the birds, the bees and the ephemera around me, spoke nothing but of peace and tranquility in that sea of death.  

The glistening, shining, blinking of the sunlight off the surfaces of the tombstones was a strange view as though the dead were speaking out , saying “ Hey, we reflect light too”. 

I walked around carefully stepping across and around the tombstones, for in wake of not offending  the dead, but plunging deep in the crevice of a newly dug grave , so as not to realize my worst nightmare.  I walked furthermore, and as the sun beamed at high noon upon my head, its burn made me feel of how alive I was at that moment.

As I walked  around , all I could see were reminders of others’ lives, inscribed in granite and marble. I stopped in my tracks to listen the silence, and pay my respects.

As I turned back retracing my steps, I saw the grave of a young man who had died in the prime of his youth. And I thought to myself, whether he had realized his life’s dream in the short span that he had. 

Just as I was about to step foot in my car, I felt a warm drop fall from the sky. As I recoiled in reflex, I saw an eagle hovering over me. And I was reminded; Shit Happens.

I seek the Divine within...

I seek the divine within you and me.

gnawing, clawing, each other to the end as we feast on each others lustful wares.

though sometimes I wonder how come something so beautiful is so damning and forbidden.

I saw in you perhaps for a fleeting moment , the salvation from my own hell's and torments,

for the sight of you delighted me,

the sound of you nourished me,

the thought of you completed me,

the touch of you saved me.  

how can I find my permanent bliss, if you are not by my side.

for i am about to enter the second act of my life, and you are yet to take center stage,

you will perform so well for so many, though I want you only for me. 

Last night, I could not sleep...

Last night I could not sleep. The unbreakingly dark of the night which lent a strange eeriness to the anguish within me.  And I wondered where and how will this night end, how the passage of time will mend the wounds.
But I suffer caused by own melancholy and pain in the absence of something unknowable, something intangible.

Will I let this go, so shall I suffer the consequences of you until my days' end. Or shall I capitulate to the pressures that are around me, to succumb to the desires of others. Perhaps I can mask the real pain that exists within me by the cover up of others' happiness, for the happiness of others.

But no excuse, not to be Who I am, what I want, where do I go, how do I go about it. These questions that linger within me into the darkness, on the hour, every hour.

I see an aberration of something, it is the thought of you, manifest in form and I called out , Yes?

Body of Work

Head, shoulders, arms, torso

Chest, stomach, privates and toe,

Buttocks, thighs, legs and spine,

form my body of work supine.

Sitting, running, walking, I stand
and face the world, woman and man.

Hair, eyes, teeth and nose,
older yet this body grows.

Heart, mind, blood and hand,
this body of work, it's own true brand.

Before I put myself to rest,
and prepare for my final test,

I write with many a song and voice,
and hope they don't get lost in the noise.

The Lovers, as they walked by...

Walking hand in hand, smiling, laughing, carefully holding one another as tenderly as the manifestations of their loves' affections. The lovers, as they walked by.

He talked of his day, his straw golden hairs, jostled on his shoulders ever so freely.

The auburn haired one, listened intently, carefully, ever so lovingly to his golden lover's musings; he caressed him for encouragement and made his intentions known by simply being there.

They smiled past the gawking eyes, with contentment and bliss for one another, and not a care for the haughty, jealous world around them.

When alone in the narrow hours...

When alone in the narrow hours of the night,
my reason takes it's leave, my memory it's flight.

All I am left is with this feeling of doom,
All I bare are the thorns of my anguished gloom,

from the poisonous flower of dismay and unbliss,
for nought, I cannot dismiss,

the keen stings of many a lost ways,
is this how I am destined to pass my days?

Nothing consoles me, I lose my breath,
and wait for the sweet release of death.

Just as I am at the end of my rope,
I see your face and I restore my hope.

Your presence removes the ill and darkened layers,
You are just the call of my unanswered prayers.

I am at peace and I know this to be true,
that boldly, madly, deeply I love you.

Your shining and smiling countenance,
gives me unending subsistence.

And makes me complete and happy in so many ways,
that I be content and blessed for the rest of my days.

Follow the sound of your heartbeat.....

Follow the sound of your heartbeat, for it beats seventy times what you want to do.

Every thump, every beat, every sound in it’s conviction is true.

Go out on that road that calls to,

your steps upon it, the path unknown,  cleared for you.

Forge your way through this quarry of hard stone and desolation,

The end of which rests your elation,

Perhaps your salvation,

From your own created damnation.

At the end of this road, you must stand,

And face your destiny as the man,

You want to be,

With all your temerity, and resolution.

How I write a poem

I have found that I write poetry much easier than prose.  It seems to just come to me, organically.  As though, an instantaneous outburst from within. Words take form, themes take shape, all I have to do is wait and catch the flow of creativity like filtering small specks of gold from the flowing river of inspiration. 

It is hard work indeed, what to write, however to write. Shall I write about the mundane, or the magical of the day to day, or set my task to find for the right moment and subject.

Sometimes, the words appear and then just as soon as they form, they disappear and dissipate like a mirage. Though more often than not, I do find my way in the wilderness of my mind’s own created desert. 

And it is my words that sustain me and quench my thirst, in so many ways.

Other times there is silence; thundering, deafening, roaring silence against my ears.  Sometimes, I listen to that white noise to find the voice within. 

After some struggle, it does speak out to me, like a single note in the cacophony of melodies. 

I seek it out, I tame it and I let it pierce and roar at the world.

The ruined boy's echoes....

Innocence lost, 

once and for all.

In the quickness with which you wounded me

with the weapons of your lust. 

I was left quivering, 

thinking you would have protected me, 

but no....

This story repeats itself,

a thousand times, ten thousand days and more.

I cried for months and moons thereafter,

looking within me 

for the emptiness that still remains. 

How I search still to fill the void, 

with fleeting moments of conjured bliss. 

But it is not to be. 

I still see you as the one who smiled at me, 

and held my hand as you led me to the uncharted lands, 

from where I still have not returned.

All that is left 

are this ruined boy's echoes.....

The Rivers that run bloody...

The Earth bleeds it's life force to nourish her children,
yet the ungrateful progeny only let their mother down.

To Want, to Profit, to Plunder and Reap,
the loot of her virtuous valleys and streams,
her oceans and dreams,
of beautiful lands and grassy reams,
They take from their mother,
She gives back to her sons.

To what end does this destruction persist,
how much longer must she resist,
for they destroy their mother at the expense of their brethren,
the rivers that run bloody with slaughtered kin.

She only knows how to love and give.
Her sons rob her of serenity and bountiful grace,
and insist that she rewards them with an embrace,
and let them ruin her in order to live.

I run

I run,
I run after you.
I run after my happiness like a crazed man in fits of madness. 

I run after the elusive, the unseen, the unfound, I run.

The melancholy,
that swells within my soul's hardened pit,
sharpens the daggers of memories
against the grindstone of my own aging self.

Maybe this time,
it will be different.
Maybe this time,
I will run across the finish line,
to win the champion's wreath.

You ask me if I will run away.
I will run after you.
I will run away with you.
I will run for you.

Will you run away?

Let us both run together,
let's run away. 

The Familiar, the Well-known

The familiar, the well-known,
the company of an old friend.

How your images run in my mind's eye,
laughing, joking, full of life's zest.

I am at peace with you and hope for your return.

Though the spring was sharp in it's sting,
of a lost love's keenness,
I survived and still thrive,
and strive forward.

But you,
you are colorful,
vibrant,
full of mischief and mayhem.

I remember watching you for the first time,
how you made me laugh,
and you still do.

I Am...

I write how I speak,

I speak, how I think,

I think how I am,

I am, how I think.

An ode to an Aquarian

Did I stir your waters by asking your name?

If it means to you all the same,

I shall not ponder, or wonder,

this line of questioning is lame,

as we move on with this lovers' game,

and put others to shame,

for they are too tame, in asking your name.

Things my father told me

You may be worse off than millions,
but you're better off than billions.

If you can help someone and it's not taxing upon you, do so.

Do not worry about what others are saying about you,
just keep doing what you know to be right.

Do you best,
as best as you can,
as much as you can,
as fast as you can,
as soon as you can.

Listen with an open mind and ear to your opposition,
you may learn something new,
or change someone's mind in the process.

Keep at it, slow and steady does win the race.

Forgive and forget,
try to give as much the benefit of the doubt to others.

Goodness and something better is coming,
just wait.

Until now, I had not a reason to love

Until now, I had not a reason to love,
except, for the ever so moments of desire
that compelled me to seek out a version of You.

You, that I was searching for,
in many a sweet smiling, beguiling faces.

Faces, that held a beautiful countenance,
but were depleted of feelings.

Feeling, that I wanted oh so much,
so much to shine,
and make my life bright with joy.

Joy, that I feel when you are around me
joy, that you surround me with.

With you, I am now complete,
and all I had to do,
was walk up to you and say,

Hi, I'm Zak.

A rant about my Android phone

I think my phone is possessed.  At least, that i what I say to myself as I don't fully understand the user interface of many functionalities of my mobile device.

Far be it for me to not appreciate the advances of technology, but when the artificial intelligence borders on the sociopathic behavior, I take umbrage with that to say the least.

While hanging out with a friend, I decided to have him take a few pictures of me, just for my social media campaign. Google photos decided to compile a very sophisticated montage of all my snapshots and alerted me to it.  A gift that it gleefully (cybernetic craziness is more like it) presented to me.

I am getting begrudgingly used to the frequent eavesdropping and interruptions by Google search bar; how it actively listens to my conversations. However, I draw the line at a stage 5 clinger/stalkerish present given to me by my sentient phone.

I mean C'mon now !!! What's next, Google phone screening my phone calls, going through my contacts and giving me pointers on whom to date, how to dress, what to do with my life?

No way, I have a mother for that.

Where children play, and lions rest...

I believe
there is a heaven, where all is well, where all are blessed.

Where children play, and lions rest,
where rivers flow of mead,
where no one is troubled, with hardship and test.

To some this may be a fantasy, a story, a perfidy,
concocted by the ancients'history

Be that as it may,
I rest my mind and pin my hope
on that beautiful place and yearn
for my eternal stay.

Rage, rage, rage

Rage, Rage, Rage...

The fires of my wrath that swell within me,
dare not spill out of the kiln of my burning heart.

I am not in my element, except...
but, for when the flames that engulfs me
from within and outward.

For only,  if it was your touch,
that would quell my torment,
I would be at bliss.
But it is not to be...

This summer's blaze is lonesome and cold,
in measure to what I feel within me,
the kindling of my hopes, the smoldering of my dreams, the withering of my love.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it will die out on it's own,
or perish me with it.

Love, Oh Love...

Love, Oh Love.

Oh joyful sorrowful painful beautiful love.
That which renders me peaceful love,
That, makes me hateful love,
That which keeps me watchful love.

Oh dreadful love,
How cruel you can be.
That, which wrought the wrathful love,
That, which gave me immeasurable joy,
yet took it all away in a moment's folly

Oh careful love,
Tread on my heart carefully,
for I am helpless against your charms.

Oh lustful love,
Full of rapture and want.
You beacon me once,
and I answer your call a thousand times.

Leave me not in this state of anguish and melancholy,
Hate me not, with your villainy and perfidy.
All I ask is for your company to keep,
All I savor is your favor.
Stay with me now and forever,
and make me eternally grateful, Love.

Avagavan

I am royal, in my own right. I care not for a crown nor throne.

the rage, the passion that burns within me, a self made danger zone.

I have seen sights and heard sounds unknown, by the many young and old of past foregone.

my lives a many, I recall, a man, a woman, a tree, a stone.

I am born, I live I die and am reborn.

Though pen and parchment may run out

Though pen and parchment may run out, I will write my tales of woe and awe,

on scraps of barks, on blades of straw,

I shall write of old men and maidens fair, of withered flesh and beautiful hair and know,

How these stories go,

far be it for me to throw

the first stone or a foible arrow.

Upon he who dare err, for it is too human.

and suffer the consequences of that might,

Know that I bare, 

my soul for all to see, 

my heart, my mind resolute in reason.

Alone as the night rumbles....

Alone as the night rumbles on
and the clocks tick
I ponder,
head pounding heart thumping soul shaking thoughts.

Thoughts of what has passed, what is in the now, what is yet to come.
What could have been, what should be, what ought to be.

You read my hand, and told me to think from my heart, to trust what I feel thank what I think and know to be true.

How can I, how do I...

How do I find the inner peace, the solace I crave, the intimacy i yearn to embrace with you around me.

I fear so much, so much that I make fear, fear itself.

Yet in your presence, with you near me, I can conquer the insurmountable.